


i needed to write something disgusting

by loosenoodlepoodledoodle



Series: Non-K-Pop Parodies [11]
Category: Disney Princesses
Genre: Absurd, Comedy, Disney References, F/F, F/M, Lesbian Sex, Multi, Parody, Porn, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:55:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26041543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosenoodlepoodledoodle/pseuds/loosenoodlepoodledoodle
Summary: I was bored and needed something stupid to write. I can't believe as much thought went into this as it did.Also, I can't be bothered to proofread this, since it is so meaningless...
Series: Non-K-Pop Parodies [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672396
Kudos: 4





	i needed to write something disgusting

Once upon a time, in a boring country called England, there lived a beautiful maiden named Wendy Darling. Or at least that’s how she liked to think of herself. Ever since she had turned eighteen (mere weeks ago, mind you) she had had her very own bedroom to herself…but it wasn’t enough. She longed for a Prince Charming to come and sweep her off her feet, and away from this dull domestic existence. Also, because she finally had some privacy for once in her life, she taught herself all about masturbation.

It was just one such warm, wet night that Wendy had quite a fright. She was in the middle of her fingering session when, out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a light in her window. angsty about being discovered, she paused her new favorite hobby and went to draw open the curtains, to see what was up. Thus was she greatly surprised by whom she found.

There was a tiny little woman standing outside, pressed against the glass. And not tiny like she was short; tiny like a fucking Barbie doll. Wendy was struck dumb by the strange sight, and had only just opened the window to see if she really was a Barbie doll (continuity errors abound) when suddenly the stranger flashed with a golden light, and grew to normal size. Wherein she was now taller than Wendy.

Wendy gasped at her scandalous outerwear. Some kind of forest green outfit that was way too tight and skimpy, showing off her legs and especially her tits, which were practically pouring out the top of the thing. Wendy didn’t even realizing she was doing it, her hands just found their way to the woman’s chest, and she started playing with them boobies. Fortunately for her, the woman had wanted this, and Wendy was not charged with sexual assault.

“Hey, Tink, what’d you find?” Oh no, a male voice. Although, because she hadn’t seen him yet, Wendy thought the situation sounded promising. Then she saw him.

“I’m Peter Pan,” said the boy, and while Wendy didn’t mind his looks, she did mind the forest green pauper’s clothes he was wearing, as well as the sack of loot slung over his shoulder. It was not difficult at all to surmise what the magical pair had been up to. But then, don’t girls like bad boys?

“My name’s Wendy Darling. What’s hers?” She pointed pointedly at Tink’s chest. Peter Pan laughed.

“I see you’ve met Tinkerbell, my partner in crime. Were you just groping her?”

Wendy couldn’t lie. “Yes, I was. I’m sorry.”

Tinkerbell whispered something Wendy didn’t catch, though her voice reminded Wendy of wind chimes.

“Tink says she wants you to come home with us. What do you say?”

Wendy thought about it. Immediately, she said, “Hell, yeah,” and Tinkerbell prepared to grant her the power of flight. She rubbed herself over and over, smearing some kind of golden dust all over her hands; she then rubbed it all over Wendy’s body. Wendy noticed Peter staring at them slack-jawed, and she spotted his hilariously obvious boner.

“Where are we going?” she asked, after the tease was through.

“Neverland,” said Peter, “and it’s kind of hard to explain the name. But trust me, we’ll have fun.”

Wendy, noting how awesome the past few minutes had just been, and thinking how awful it would be to have to give up this opportunity for some pound-town, answered in the affirmative.

“Great, we’ll follow Tink,” said Peter, and her took Wendy’s hand. Tinkerbell shrank down and cast a light spell, and Peter helped Wendy float through the window and into the air.

“How far is it?” asked Wendy.

“Pretty far, but not as far as you’d think,” said Peter.

“Just the right distance to get away from my parents,” said Wendy.

Peter and Tinkerbell looked at each other and smiled.

***

Tinkerbell got big again for the threesome in Peter’s hideout. Afterward, he went out to buy cigarettes, and while passing through a sunbeam on his way out the door, Wendy noticed the stubble on his face. Perhaps he was older than he looked. He was certainly at least as old as she was, anyway.

Now she lounged beside Tinkerbell on their bed, and she felt great. Tink, for her part, was able to magic away her fairy wings at will, so there was nothing to keep Wendy’s hand from caressing the full length of Tink’s back.

“I love you,” Wendy said without warning. Tink laughed shrilly.

“Don’t bring love into it! It’ll complicate things.”

Wendy frowned. “Why not? It’s what I feel.”

But Tink shook her head. “We’ve just met. And besides, I get the feeling you love me more than you do Peter…”

She was right. Peter was great for a fling, or rather his dick was, and it was Tink that Wendy had fallen, not him.

She caressed Tinkerbell’s face. “You’re right, I don’t love him. How is that a problem?”

“He’s a jealous little bitch. That’s why we’re all alone. The Lost Boys’ balls all dropped, and Peter didn’t like the way they were looking at me. So he told them to go to the pirate town if they needed to get their fix, and Captain Hook entrapped all of them with voluptuous prostitutes, and then the last we heard of them was that they’d been turned into donkeys. So we don’t want to get on his bad side.”

Wendy thought about this. “Then I guess we ought to leave while he’s out, huh?”

Tink couldn’t argue with that, so they got dressed and left.

***

They walked through the woods together, down from the hideout, and Wendy could hear a commotion from somewhere up ahead. It was as though several women were having having sex on the beach or something, so she and Tink hurried over to check it out.

“This looks fun,” muttered Wendy.

There was a lagoon with several hot mermaids, each of whom was taking turns going down on three human ladies, who were sharing a large beach blanket. The one making the most luxurious porno noises was a redhead, lying in the middle. On either side of her were two darker skinned chicks that Wendy correctly identified as oversexualized racial stereotypes (possibly even caricatures) of Native American women. However, as she was English/British, she could only think of the possibilities of lovemaking with them, and not how wrong their portrayal was.

But yeah, they’re pretty hot, though.

“What’s your name, sailor?” said one of the mermaids. She had dark hair, and a dark tail contrasting with her otherwise whitey skin.

“I’m Wendy. What’s going on?”

The mermaid gestured to the redhead. “Ariel didn’t want to be a mermaid anymore, so she had a spell put on her to make her human. She was nervous about finding her Prince Charming, so we’re hazing her about it.”

The taller of the two native chicks added, “Want to join in?”

Wendy looked at Tinkerbell, who was still walking around naked. Off came Wendy’s bedclothes again, and the orgy was on.

“My name is Pocahontas, and that’s my friend, Tiger Lily.” Wendy saw that while Pocahontas looked like a 24 year old model (not unlike Tink), both Ariel and Tiger Lily were barely legal teens like herself, as were the other mermaids.

“Hey, what’s your anatomy like down there?” blurted out Wendy rudely. The dark-haired mermaid, who seemed to be paying an inordinate amount of attention to her, blushed and scooted up out of the water and onto the sand proper. She spread her legs, revealing a very human anatomy indeed; the only real difference was that her legs, starting below the hips (roughly parallel to the pubic region) were a dramatically different color than the rest of her (aside from her hair), oh and her legs ended in fins rather than feet. Wendy noted that if the mermaids held their legs together, it created the illusion of a single, unbroken tail.

“There’s a saying, where I come from, that I don’t quite understand,” said Wendy. “Something about ladies keeping an aspirin between their legs. That tail trick made me think of it.”

The mermaid rolled her eyes and proceeded to smother Wendy’s face with her tits. Between luscious mouthfuls, Wendy managed to get out a question: “What’s your name?”

“Valerie.” Valerie looked a little older than Wendy. She was kind of like a sophomore who breaks in the new freshman pledges at the sorority by fucking them. Also, since the mermaids didn’t have a name in the cartoon, I gave her one that always makes me think _hot bitch_.

***

Eventually, they all got tired and snuggled together beautifully. The mermaids had their sugar daddy, The Creature From The Black Lagoon, fire up the grill for a filling bratwurst lunch. Then, looking back up the slope toward Peter’s hideout, Wendy felt the urge to move on.

“We’ll go with you,” said Tiger Lily, and she and Ariel got up and got dressed. Now it was time to say goodbye to the others. Pocahontas at her full height was easily taller than any of them, and Wendy stole a quick suck on her tits as she hugged her. Tinkerbell rubbed some fairy dust from her boobs on each of them, then laid back down with Pocahontas. The dust made them perk right up. Finally, while most of the mermaids had swum further into the lagoon to play volleyball, Valerie had stayed by the shore, looking glum. When Wendy bent down to kiss her goodbye, Valerie surprised her by standing fully upright.

It looked like hell on her ankles.

“Will I ever see you again?” she asked Wendy, whose heart clenched at her tone.

“Sure you will. I saw from above: Neverland isn’t that big.”

“It’s bigger than you think,” said Tiger Lily, but Wendy didn’t have an answer to that. So instead, she kissed Valerie goodbye, and in their embrace she reached down and gave her one last fingerfuck for the road. Valerie’s legs almost gave out in the spasm of her orgasm. Then it was time to go, and Wendy followed the other two into the forest, and when she looked back, Valerie was still watching her sadly.

***

The forest grew darker, and not just because the day was waning. The trees were growing thicker, the shadows deeper. The path was paved in brick, like they were in a really large garden, but Wendy wasn’t reassured by this. She clung to the other two tightly.

“I don’t know what you’re so afraid of,” said Tiger Lily. “Everything that might have been dangerous in here has long since been hunted to extinction.”

But Ariel was clinging as tightly to Wendy as she was to her, so Wendy asked her if she was scared. When Ariel nodded, Wendy realized she had not heard her speak once, and the only sounds she had ever made were the cries of ecstasy from earlier that day.

“Are you unable to speak?” she asked in the most polite way she could manage.

Ariel blushed as red as her hair, and nodded again. Tiger Lily explained.

“The witch who put the human spell on her gave her a handicap. No voice, and she’d only get it back if she kissed a Prince Charming, whoever the fuck that is. Also, if she doesn’t do it by tonight, the spell wears off and she joins the witch’s harem of fuck buddies.”

“That’s not very consensual!” objected Wendy. But Ariel shook her head, and Tiger Lily translated.

“That witch is famous for her sex parties. She has tentacles, and loves to pleasure her ‘guest.’ She also is really into double penetration.”

Wendy saw Ariel’s eyes dilate at the thought of it, but it took Wendy a moment to figure out just what that sex act actually was.

“But then, why not just join her? What do you need human legs for?”

Tiger Lily shook her head. “Because the witch can’t afford to pay everyone who wants to join, she has to use debt as her legal leverage. Her business is organized as a specific type of LLC, so—”

Wendy tuned her out until the next scene. But she did think of Valerie just then, too

***

There was a clearing ahead, and they could see two more white chicks standing around some large object on the ground. They introduced themselves, meeting 18 year old Alice, and 21 year old Belle.

“What are you looking at?” asked Wendy. She saw that it was a glass coffin, inside of which an approximately 20 year old woman lay asleep in a ridiculous yellow skirt.

“Her name is Snow White,” said Alice. Looking at her blonde hair and blue eyes, Wendy was sure she would get along fine with that cutie. Belle was another matter, though.

“We’re trying to figure out how to save her. Queen Maleficent did this to her, but as all the menfolk have been driven out of these parts, there’s no obvious way to awaken her.”

“What do you need a man for?” asked Tiger Lily. Indeed.

“Supposedly, the way the spell is structured, only a prince’s kiss can wake her,” explained Belle. Wendy noticed Ariel perk up at this.

Tiger Lily crossed her arms. “Well, I’m technically a princess, so how about I give it a try?”

Alice looked at Belle. “Worth a shot.”

The lid of the coffin was heavy, and as they did not want to damage Maleficent’s property (her name was just a bit too uninviting, even for a porn parody) it took all their strength to lift it carefully and set it down. Then Tiger Lily bent over Snow White’s face and planted a smooch. Almost immediately she began to stir.

“Where am I?” she asked.

“Neverland forest,” said Tiger Lily, and Wendy saw Alice’s face screw up as if she was going to correct her, but she must have thought better of it because she remained silent.

“Where are my boy toys? My seven loving dwarves?”

As no one had any idea, they all just shrugged.

“Well, shit,” said Snow White. “I’m starting to get a fever in my loins, if you know what I mean. Can you help a gal out?”

They interpreted this plea correctly, and all five of them took turns eating her pussy. When they were finished, they felt fulfilled in life. But it was also getting late.

“Is there someplace we can stay for the night? Also, I need to go to the bathroom,” said Wendy.

“What about there?” said Belle, pointing out an ominous castle in the near distance. “That’s where I was headed when I stumbled upon all of you.”

With no other options, the gang agreed to head that way. When they reached the gate, which was hanging open, broken, they read the name on the archway.

“Charming Castle,” said Wendy.

Ariel looked mollified.

“Oh, why don’t you kiss Tiger Lily? Maybe that would get your voice back and everything.”

“We tried that on the beach,” said Tiger Lily. “It didn’t work. The witch must have encoded her spell properly. Maleficent’s spell on Snow White probably had a syntax error.”

“And people disparage learning to code,” muttered Belle.

***

The outbuildings were in rough shape, but the central keep was more or less maintained. They saw a light on in one of the windows, so rather than breaking in they knocked on the door. A young woman in plain, nearly tattered clothes answered.

“What do you want?”

“Hi,” said Tiger Lily, “can we use your toilet?”

The woman seemed bewildered for a moment that anyone would have such a simple request of her household, but she granted it. “Hurry up, before the Master finds out and has a tantrum over nothing.”

They did their thing, and, all washed up, waited by the inside of the door for the woman to reappear. But then they noticed Ariel must have wandered off.

“It was the name, surely,” said Tiger Lily. “And you can’t blame her, that woman must just be a servant.”

They searched around, but it was the sound of hushed voices that led them to the sitting room. A high-backed chair in front of a fireplace obscured its occupant, but they could see Ariel looking at them with a curious look on her face. Meanwhile, the servant woman was bowing apologetically.

“Nevermind,” said a gruff, masculine voice, the kind that makes panties wet wherever it goes. Wendy could see Ariel mouth the word _prince_ , and the occupant of the chair must have nodded, because she promptly went down on him. Even from where they were standing, Wendy and the others could see he had a huge dick. There was no way any of them could mount him, let alone put him in their mouths. Ariel took her top off and wanked him with a full body hug. He grunted like low thunder when he ejaculated, completely sliming Ariel, and turning the heat to max inside Wendy at least. They all knew she’d found her Prince Charming when she suddenly said, “That taste better than I thought it would.”

The Beast was pleasantly surprised when Wendy and company strolled over to check him out for themselves.

***

Afterward, they all laid snuggled together on the rug in front of the fireplace, except for the Beast himself, who was his own rug. As he gently snored, Wendy chatted idly with the servant girl, who turned out to be Cinderella.

“Maleficent cursed him like this. Said she could brook no other assholes in the kingdom besides she. Although I heard from Esmeralda, it was actually because she had disguised herself for a booty call and he dissatisfied her somehow.”

“Wow,” said Wendy, and Ariel.

“So, now he mopes around, occasionally destroying trees and furniture in his frustration, and otherwise having hot nasty sex with the two of us.”

“Who’s Esmeralda?” asked Ariel. Since she hasn’t been talking, I have to give her more lines.

“She’s a dancer girl he hired. She lives in the East Wing, by the bell tower. Usually, she sleeps with Quasi Modo, who’s our handyman. He’s actually ug—I mean, less traditionally attractive than even the Master. But, his cock, though huge, is still reasonably sized. Esmeralda likes to mount him, and even I’ve done it, too, since we can’t do it with the Master.”

Wendy thought back to her first night in Neverland, which incidentally was only the previous night. She love girls, and tits, and pussy, but there was just something special about being fucked by a dick and getting cum in the face. She wondered what Peter was doing, now that they’d abandoned him. Would he be mad? Or sad? Or maybe he’d found someone else to shag. It made her a little jealous, but not much. She imagined him blowing his load prematurely upon witnessing the glory of the mermaid lagoon, and that’s when she thought of Valerie. Her Valerie, looking into her eyes with longing.

She made a mental note of talking to Ariel about getting Valerie’s legs fixed, too.

***

The next day, they got up and had breakfast together. Then, when the Beast lumbered off to his office to call his stockbroker, they had the run of the place to run around in. All except for—

“Don’t go up into the West Wing,” warned Cinderella. “Not unless you want to get sued.”

This sent a chill down our heroines’ spines, so they headed east to meet the other two denizens of the castle. Esmeralda was beautiful, though Wendy thought she might also have been a stereotype. As for Quasi Modo, well, he was very accommodating in terms of physical love. By which I mean he was the type of guy who would still eat your pussy if you asked him to, even if he’d just filled it with a creampie.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” he asked shyly, which was funny considering what he’d just done to each of them.

Wendy looked out the window towards the other wing. “What’s that over there?”

Quasi Modo blanched. “T-that’s t-the Master Bedroom. The M-master’s lady wife sleeps there.”

Esmeralda was floored. “He’s been married this whole time?”

Quasi Modo realized he’d fucked up, but his efforts to paper it over failed utterly. “She’s been asleep since the Queen cursed her, too. She won’t wake up unless the Master finds true love. But since he already has, how can he find another?”

“I take it there’s no loophole of the Master kissing her?” Tiger Lily asked.

“Yeah, he’s already tried that.”

Tiger Lily looked at Snow White. “Well, it worked once. Maybe Maleficent made the same mistake twice.”

***

It didn’t work.

It was trivial to sneak up to the West Wing, which was spooky, but not as spooky as it would have been in the evening dark. Tiger Lily planted a lovely wet kiss on Aurora’s lips, but nothing changed. Then they each gave it a go, but still, nothing. Then Belle noticed a magic rose floating under a glass dome.

“That’s what’s powering the curse,” said Cinderella. “That’s the one thing I’m not allowed to touch when I clean in here.”

“Shouldn’t it be in a more secure location?” asked Alice.

“If it moves too far from Aurora, the curse breaks and its effects become permanent.”

Downstairs, they heard the Beast finish his business calls and go stalking around. Before they could think of hiding, he had entered the room, and his jaw dropped in shock.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, FAM?” He popped a rage boner that was wondrously erect.

“Master, they were only trying to help,” whimpered Cinderella.

“RAWRRWAARR!” said the Beast.

“Say,” interrupted Belle, “is that your wedding portrait?” She pointed over at the far wall.

“YES. WHAT OF IT?”

“Well, I was just thinking, you’re actually way hotter in this form. Right, ladies?”

They all had to admit she was correct. Privately, they all thought his sexual prowess was likely better now, too.

“So, why exactly do you want to break the curse?”

The Beast growled. “BECAUSE I WANT MY WIFE AURORA BACK. HUMPH.”

“Then…what if we break the curse on purpose? You’ll stay like this, of course, hotter than any human male could ever be. And I’m sure your wife will just wake up on her own. Right?”

The Beast considered this. Finally calming down, he said, “Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. But if it fails, you’ll have to go after Maleficent yourselves.”

Belle smiled, and, lifting the glass, touched the rose with her little finger. It wilted immediately, and Aurora gasped.

“Baby, I’ve missed you so much!”

Tears filled the Beast’s eyes. “You recognize me?”

“Of course, baby, it’s not like the Queen gave you plastic surgery. Now come here and scratch this itch I’ve got.”

The others watched, amazed, as Aurora took all twelve inches.

***

Later that day, as their libido finally fell to tolerable levels, they hung out together in the castle library, sharing various stories they’d just read, and otherwise gossiping. It was not yet time for lunch when there was an ominous knock on the front door. Cinderella stepped out to see who it was, and when she came back, Wendy was floored.

“Valerie? How’d you get here? And you have legs!”

She sprung to her feet to give her a hug and kiss. “Valerie,” she whispered, shocking even herself at how much she’d missed that fling, little more than a one night stand.

“Call me Val,” said Valerie.

“Oh, you have your voice!”

“Yeah, I used a different witch than Ariel’s,” she said.

“Oh? Who?”

Val looked Wendy straight in the eye.

“I use Maleficent.”

There was a huge crash as a great bloody dragon smashed in through the windows. Everyone screamed and backed up, including the Beast, who seemed a good deal less manly in that moment to Wendy.

The dragon, scaleless, with batwings and big tits and a dripping wet monster pussy, spoke up.

“I AM MALEFICENT. YOU DARE BREAK TWO OF MY CURSES IN ONE DAY? I’LL SHOW YOU.”

And without another word, she scooped up the Beast and flew away.

“Damn it, my hubby!” yelled Aurora.

“My boy toy!” cried out everyone else. Except for Quasi Modo, who was more worried he’d never get the back wages the Master owed him.

Cinderella pointed at Val. “You led her here, with your unquenchable thirst!”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Esmeralda, “if she cursed them in the first place, she already knew where this fucking castle was.”

“It doesn’t matter!” shouted Aurora. Her man-meat was in trouble, and no power on earth could stop her from getting him back.

“Maleficent’s castle is guarded by a goblin army. She hires only big-dicked males. Hypermasculine characters like knights stand no chance. Only we can rescue my hubby. Who’s with me?”

While Wendy did want to spend some alone time with Val, the prospect of an even more hardcore sex adventure was hard to pass up. The thought of an entire army of horny cocks to suck and fuck their way through, finishing with a sexy showdown with a magical dragon cunt, was too good to pass up. They paused in their machinations only long enough to recruit Tinkerbell and Pocahontas, and off they went, leaving Quasi Modo in the care of the remaining mermaids, because he was thoroughly intimidated by other dudes’ dicks. When finally, the battle was one, and the Beast was freed and had angry makeup sex with Maleficent the Dragon, she turned back into her human form and was forced to allow them each to sit on her face in penance. The End.


End file.
